


Left to lose

by Colourcodedbinders



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, WHAT'S UP IT'S ME AND MY SUB-PAR WRITING SKILLZ BOII, and so be I, tony be saddd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 23:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14531586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colourcodedbinders/pseuds/Colourcodedbinders
Summary: INFINITY WAR SPOILERS MY DUDES:This is not how it was supposed to happen,is Tony's first thought when the dust has settled over Titan, the remains of every person he's had to see turn to ash before him flown away to God knows where, a sure indication that wherever he is, Thanos has managed to get his hands on the sixth stone.The light on the horizon is fading, and under the dim glow of whatever star illuminates Titan and the slow, mechanical whirring of the blue robot girl the space weirdos have left behind, Tony lets himself feel the gravity of his losses, a hand still absentmindedly pressing onto his wounded torso.





	Left to lose

_This is not how it was supposed to happen,_ is Tony's first thought when the dust has settled over Titan, the remains of every person he's had to see turn to ash before him flown away to God knows where, a sure indication that wherever he is, Thanos has managed to get his hands on the sixth stone.

The light on the horizon is fading, and under the dim glow of whatever star illuminates Titan and the slow, mechanical whirring of the blue robot girl the space weirdos have left behind, Tony lets himself feel the gravity of his losses, a hand still absentmindedly pressing onto his wounded torso.

He thinks of Pepper, and Happy, and if he'll ever see them again. He wonders if he even deserves to, anymore. He thinks of how _broken_ they must feel. How broken and miserable and fearful and resentful towards him, here at the forefront of this disastrous event. Him, the single reason Strange gave up the Time Stone. He thinks of Rhodey, his best friend, his ally, the man who's already lost so much for standing by his side, and how he's managed once again to fail everyone who's ever made the mistake of caring about him in the slightest. (He ignores the nagging thought at the back of his mind, the silent but clear voice telling him that maybe, they don't resent him, because you can't resent someone if you've been wiped out of existence by a big purple Hulk wannabe.)

He thinks of Vision, and how he's probably lying dead, if Thanos has the Mind Stone on him. He hopes the death was quick, and effortless. Maybe even painless. 

He thinks of Steve. And of Bruce and Thor. And of Bucky and Sam and Natasha and Wanda. He hopes they're alive. He hopes he hasn't destroyed them, too. He hopes he can maybe find a way off this hellhole and find them somehow, help them fix this disaster they've assisted in creating. He wonders if they'd even want him there, should he return to Earth now, after everything he's caused. He hopes that maybe they would.

And then he looks down at the dust still splayed across his bloody palm and thinks of the kid. Thinks of how urgently he'd held onto him, fighting against something they both knew couldn't be stopped. He thinks of how he's failed him, bringing him out to war when he should be on a field trip right now, enjoying antiquities and whatnot. He curses himself for ending a life so young, so purposeful and vibrant; much more valuable than his own. Peter deserved better, and he knows it, and he could have prevented his death by being just a little harsher, a _little_ more responsible.

And to think he wanted children of his own. He couldn't even protect of the one that had been dropped right into his lap.

Next to him, Blue kicks a rock at something, snarling and swearing under her breath, before turning to him.

"Iron Man, is it?"

He stares at her for a second before answering. "Tony."

Blue scoffs at him and walks over, standing right in front of him, and he thinks that if he hadn't just lost everything, maybe he'd be scared.

"Alright. You claim to be smart. Let's build a ship and get off of this planet."

"I can't just build a ship? Have you seen this place? It's the celestial equivalent of a graveyard."

"Look," she says, and he can't figure out her tone, but takes solace in the fact that she doesn't seem to be threatening him. "You want to do your little thing and save the rest of your people, and I want to kill Thanos. We can't do that if he's off to wherever he is and we're stuck here."

"He's done what he has to do," Tony mumbles.

"He's a monster," she replies, anger filling her voice. "You think he's done? You think he'll ever be done? No. He'll keep destroying lives, killing everyone in his path until he's satisfied. Your kid over there? There'll be thousands more of him dying if I don't kill him. I'm giving you a chance to join me, or you can stay here while I go and do something about him myself."

"You'll never survive."

"I've got nothing more to lose."

She turns around like the conversation's over, and though Tony knows at the back of his mind that there's no way they're going to succeed, something about the dust on his hands and the aching hole in his heart compels him to get up and follow.

_Because if he couldn't save the universe, you can be damn well sure he'll avenge it._

After all, like the the blue chick said: he's got nothing more to lose.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you didn't barf :)
> 
> Don't ask me; I have no explanation other than the 235 emotions I'm feeling constantly at all times because of this movie. Everything hurts and I want it to be next May. I deserved better. We all deserved better. All of my children deserved better. I hate the Russos for being so good at what they do. Pain is everywhere. I am tired and sad.


End file.
